The BWAHA Institute for Villainy Presents
by The Unstoppable Hug Machine
Summary: The BWAHA Institute for Villainy, the most trusted name in the Wizarding World for Dark Lord training and henchmen staffing services, Presents the 1,958th Annual Training Workbook For Dark Lords And Associated Henchmen


**The Warmest Welcomes For Cold, Cold Hearts**

Greetings, and welcome to the Blatantly Wicked And Hideously Antagonistic family, the most trusted name in the Wizarding World for Dark Lord training and henchmen staffing services. BWAHA has a proud, ancient tradition tracing back to its establishment in 38 AD by Brutus the Horrid, Emperor Caligula's most trusted magical adviser. It has since proven to be an invaluable resource for all aspiring supervillains and their most trusted cohorts. We at BWAHA aspire to achieve your absolute best --and by absolute best, we mean 'really, really nasty' -- over the course of this month-long intensive training workshop.

_**Chapter One: Quickstart Tips for the Aspiring Overlord**_

**Qwik Tip 1 - The First Impression Must Always Be The Most Fatal**

Despite the occasional perks of immortality and the power of a thousand cruel gods, the schedule of a Dark Lord can be quite demanding. Reigning over the hearts and minds of millions with nothing more than brutality, fear and a wand is a twenty-four hour a day, seven day a week commitment. As a Dark Lord, you must expect the unexpected and be prepared to act upon a moment's notice. It's happened to all of us us now and again --your rival protagonist suddenly appears at your secret headquarters just when you've just stepped into your daily aromatherapy bubble-bath. The perfect opportunity for a vital Muggle extermination presents itself ten minutes into your favorite television programme.

As tempting as it may be at these inopportune times, it is vital that you never leave your lair looking your utmost diabolical. Soul-charring shrieks of terror are not born at the sight of sweatpants and hair rollers, no matter how much your horrible, horrible reputation may precede you. Whether you're a skeletally thin shadow-man or a hulking grim-lord of death, your image is of utmost importance, and we at BWAHA are pleased to provide personal style consultants to help you cultivate the right image for your particular rein of terror.

**Qwik Tip 2 - Gigantic Venomous Pythons (or a bowl of really menacing-looking goldfish) Are Man's Best Friend**

The scheming mad genius pensively stroking an equally diabolical black cat, the pillaging pirate with his insult-spewing parrot, the barbarian with his nightmare menagerie of glaring hawks and snarling grizzlies --such images are equally timeless and terrifying. We at BWAHA are committed to the preservation of villainy in its most classic form, and we know that the right bestial crony can send your victims into bladder-wibbling spiral of fear while promoting in you a sense of well-being and relaxation that can only be found in the companionship of our animal friends. With this specialized service in mind, BWAHA maintains a number of contacts with qualified breeders eager to work with you find you the perfect furry, scaly or feathery counterpart to compliment your lifestyle and intimidation needs.

**Qwik Tip 3 - A Cowering, Weak-Minded Man-Child With Questionable Hygiene Is A Friend Indeed**

It is said that behind every tyrannical Dark Lord, there is a hunch-backed malcontent with infrequent bathing habits. This individual would be your sidekick, and though often more than a little inept, he or she is both a classic and necessary accessory to your reign of death and fire. Your sidekick is something of the supervillain's Swiss Army Wand. Blindly loyal to the grisly-most end, he or she is the go-to scapegoat within ranks of your faithful.

If you are uncertain of any of your fiendish plans, or if your only hope for self-preservation must come at certain death of dozens of your henchmen, let your sidekick relay your wishes! She or he will grovel to thank you for the opportunity and any murderous rage or mutinous urges shall be directed towards them, keeping yourself totally and fabulously unscathed. Moreover, as your icy grip on the public's hearts and minds grows stronger, so too shall the likelihood of betrayal by your maddest and most power-hungry henchmen.

Your unwavering sidekick shall relish his new role as both poison-tester and human-shield. The sidekick is sometimes dismissed as out-modded and useless in today's Dark Lord industry, but we at BWAHA recognize their usefulness and our expert team of Dark Lord-sidekick matchmakers will do our utmost to find you the perfect half-mad groveler.

**NEXT CHAPTER** -- BWAHA's Award-Winning Henchmen Trust-Building Exercises (TM), Excerpts from _What Color Is Your Pensieve, Who Moved My Horcrux, The Seven Hexes of Highly Effective Dark Wizards_ and much, much more!


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